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Post by azreal on Jun 6, 2005 2:29:45 GMT -5
We are few in number
Confrontation is dreaded
We have our beliefs
But we don't force onto others
They try to "save" us
And we don't mess with it
Why won't they leave us alone
Every faith is viable
But no one else sees that
So all we have to do is hold out
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The Hatter
Reputable
Twinkle, twinkle, little bat, how I wonder what your at...
Posts: 162
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Post by The Hatter on Jun 6, 2005 6:49:15 GMT -5
I remember when you first wrote that. I would really like it if you continued to work on it, maybe took it alittle further.
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Post by Atreides Conscript on Jun 7, 2005 20:42:33 GMT -5
It "sounds" like partisan BS.
As you know Az (and the rest of you who don't will now find out), I'm a pagan too. I see this poem as being discounted by people of other faiths quite readily. It accuses, but doesn't explain. That is never a good way to make things sound. Dana pointed this out already....
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Lylie
Heroic
I lick you!
Posts: 389
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Post by Lylie on Jun 7, 2005 22:20:03 GMT -5
hmmm... i think that you need to make this flow more. another thing is i have to agree with the atreides, you need to explain why or give examples. but over all i really like the poem.
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Post by azreal on Jun 7, 2005 22:29:42 GMT -5
This version was written in under 10 minutes late one night because we had a discussion about improvisational poetry. So was The Dreamer. It is currently under revision.
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Post by Atreides Conscript on Jun 9, 2005 0:33:54 GMT -5
I can't complain about. If you are revising them, then they could actually become well rounded pieces. As this one is though, it sounds partisan... it sounds narrow-minded. At that point, people aren't paying attention to the content and concept, but rather their point of view vs. yours. That isn't going to be a good thing for this one. I'm personally sorry that I recommended that title for this poem to you in the first place. That just makes us look bad.
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The Hatter
Reputable
Twinkle, twinkle, little bat, how I wonder what your at...
Posts: 162
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Post by The Hatter on Jun 16, 2005 20:38:15 GMT -5
seriously....it dosn't matter if it will "make us look bad" since when did the Pagan community care what the rest of the world thought about us anyway? I like to quell myths to people who think about us in a negative light, but no one other than the people on this board are going to see the unrevised copy.
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