Shaggy's Reviews *SPOILERS*

[shaggy]

Pan's Labyrinth

I just back from watching Pan's Labyrinth and I must admit it was an excellent movie. It was a little more gruesome than what I had had in mind. I mean, in one scene this guy gets his head bashed in by a wine bottle, and there is another scene where a guy gets his mouth cut with a knife then sows it up himself and drinks and you can see the whiskey come right through the hole and soak the bandage.

The special effects were awesome. In addition to the ones mentioned above this weird looking creature that looks like a cross between a centipede and a praying mantis transforms into a humanoid fairy. In addition to special effects the make-up was done magnificently. The faun looked like he walked right out of the side of a mountain, and his face was really neat and cool to look at. There was also this creature in a dining room that had no eyes on his face, they were sitting on the table. But when Ofilia ate some grapes he woke up and placed the eyes into his palms. It looked really interesting and freaky. His legs looked like the were nothing but bones.

A simple recap of the story is that a long time ago the Princess of the Underworld escaped to the world of man somehow and died. Her soul carried on and was eventually reborn. Ofilia is the reincarnation of the Princess and her mother marries a military fascist jerk. They move out into the country to avoid the ravages of WWII where there is a labyrinth. The fairy leads her into the labyrinth to meet the faun who tells her to fulfill three quests so can reclaim her rightful spot as Princess. She goes on these quests as the war comes closer and she eventually gets into her fathers kingdom.

I rank this 8 out of 10.

[shaggy]

This is a comic series that was made for the male psyche. It has a half naked girl, violence, and dinosaurs. I mean there is hardly any plot, it is basically an excuse to look at a half naked girl beat the crap out of some raptors and a t-rex. I enjoyed it a little bit, I just wish the plot could have been a little better.

The plot as it is, is that Shanna was genetically engineered by the Nazis to be a killing machine on a little island no one knows about. A military plane crashes on said island and finds the base where Shanna is and accidentally wakes her from her slumber. They also find one scientist who is alive and hasn't been eaten by the dinosaurs. They take both in and return to their base. On an away mission an engineered toxin is released and the base starts dying. It is up to Shanna and a few others to trek across the island to the Nazi base and find the antidote. Well they do this but only to make it back to find only three surviving members.

Now the plot wasn't the best but the art was magnificent. There were a few panels that were just awesome to look at. Like, a raptor standing underneath the Nazi flag as if he was Hitler, and a horde of raptors taking down a t-rex. That was just neat. I want to find these panels.

Thank you.

I rank this 5 out of 10.

[shaggy]

The Ultimates is a remake of the Avengers for modern audiences. It is very well done, considering that Nick Fury looks like Samuel L. Jackson. There are some really cool scenes in it like when Cap kick Giant Man's ass for beating on Wasp and putting her in the hospital. It is very realistic and they deal with normal problems besides the alien attack. Tony Stark is going to die, and that is why he became a superhero, Also, he is completely blitzed on almost every page and is a complete womanizer. The Hulk goes on a rampage killing a lot of New Yorkers and destroying about ten city blocks before the Wasp flashes him and Cap boots him in the face. There is one scene where Hawkeye and Black Widow go into an office building and starts killing everyone. We later find out it is an alien stronghold and they almost don't make it out alive. They really made the superheros more human, which I believe to be a good thing.

It is a really good read for anybody who is a Marvel fan. Or somebody who likes books about adult problems. Hell, there is even nudity in it. Not only do we get to see the Wasp naked for part of the book we see both Banner's and Giant Man's man ass.

I rank this 8 1/2 out of 10.

[shaggy]

Now since this is a double feature I will review both movies and the special stuff in between.

Planet Terror

Excellent zombie flick. It had some good dark humor in it, as well as plenty of B-Movie humor. I loved it. A gas is turning a small town into zombies and they take over the town. There is a missing reel that supposedly has like twenty minutes of plot because when they return to the story the bar is on fire and there are zombies everywhere. Also Michael Biehn says thanks for the explanation El Ray. And the camera kept color changing and blurred up a couple times, like old film. It was a really great effect. It made it feel like a B-Movie. It's a must see.

Death Proof

This is a classic slasher, but with a unique twist. The murder weapon is a car. Kurt Russel plays Stuntman Mike, a psychopath with a love for the ladies. He follows around some unsuspecting female and then kills her. It starts off with just one in the passenger seat. Then it escalates to a car full. He crashes into them head on and you can see everything. He then sets his sight on four more girls and they aren't as easy as the first. They end up being stuntwomen and know what to do. He tries to wreck them but fails. He gets shot and it's just a downward spiral for him from there. They chase him and finish him off after a really long car chase. It was good, but Planet Terror was better. If it was a stand alone I would say wait for cable.

Fake Previews

These were awesome. First was Machete, a preview with Danny Trejo and Cheech Marin. Danny Trejo is Machete and sombody hires him to kill sombody and he gets double crossed. As the preview states, "They fucked with the wrong Mexican." If it was a real movie I'd watch it. There was also Werewolf Women of the SS which which held the story that Hitler created a race of Super Werewolf Women to beat the Allies but something terrible happened. This preview was directed by Rob Zombie. Another preview was called Don't. Which was just hilarious because it was just the announcer saying, "If... you... are... thinking... about... entering... this... house........................................ DON'T!!!!!!!" or something like it over and over againg, with something horrible following it. Like a zombie or a fat man in a diaper. There was also Thanksgiving directed by Eli Roth, which seemed to be a typical slasher set around Thanksgiving. And the images in said preview are to horrible and hilarious to mention. You just have to see it.

Overall it was a great movie. I loved it all and will definitely buy it on dvd, just to see the missing reels.

I rank this 9 out of 10.

[shaggy]

The White Shadow was a tv series that ran from 1978 - 1980. It was about an injured and old ex-basketball player coaching a high school team in the ghetto. As early as this tv show was on I am surprised by the amount of issues it tackles. It looks at racism to teenage pregnancy all the way to mortality. I really enjoy the length of the first season and plan on watching the second. If you liked Coach Carter or Dangerous Minds I would recommend that you watch this show. You will enjoy it since it is the precursor to those movies.

I rank this 7 out of 10.

[shaggy]

Put another notch in your belt for evil. This was a very good remake considering they used technology to show the deaths better. They show how the divine forces are fighting over this child, the anti-christ. How the lightning strikes the top of the church, toppling the steeple right through the priest was just awesome. Though at times I thought I was watching another Final Destination. They also used modern events as the foretelling of Armageddon, like Katrina all the way to the War in Iraq. The beginning is a little confusing, but they explain all of it towards the end of the movie. I was left with no question unanswered and I loved it for that. They also get the ending right, Damien lives on. And man what a creepy little boy. In my opinion, this was better than the original.

I rank this 8 out of 10.

[shaggy]

The continuing misadventures of Dante and Randall is the greatest Kevin Smith movie to date. I have never laughed so hard at a movie in my life. I want one of the Buddy Christ t-shirts that says Got Christ? so I can indirectly make fun of people without them knowing. Also, the donkey show was completely hilarious. I think I'll get one for my co-worker ;D. There is just way too many good scenes to mention here, so go and watch this if you enjoy a good comedy.

I rank this 9 1/2 out of 10.

[shaggy]

The new movie from the guys that brought you the excellent Shaun of the Dead. But instead of making fun of traditional zombie movies they make fun of buddy cop movies and slasher movies. It is a unique combo but they pull it off exceptionally well. They pull out all the British stars for this movie. Even the once James Bond, Timothy Dalton was in it. The sheer amount of hilarity in this movie is by far the most in a recent comedy. They also sneak in a lot of gore with the slasher part. And I mean a lot of gore, Celeste shouldn't see this movie. The gun battle near the end of the movie was really well shot, excuse the pun.

And there is just so many really good quotes like; "This hurts a lot. Ow ow ow ow ow." and "You cheeky bugger."

And now for the plot: Nicolas Angel is the finest cop in London and the other officers are starting to look bad. So what is the chief inspector to do but ship him off to a village in the country name Sandford. Nicolas does not want this at first but as he fights all the "crime" in this village he notices a recurring theme to the accidents. He starts to put things together and realizes that there is a murderer on the loose. It is really cool to watch some of the deaths, like when he pushes part of the church roof onto someone's head. He finds out that the city council of civility is behind all the murders. And the chief inspector of the villages police service is the ring leader. They "kill" him and dump his body in the country. He returns and loads up on guns and fights the council.

All in all it is a very good movie. I will rank this as a 9 out 10.

[stegon66]

I have never laughed so hard at a movie in my life.

Meh, you really should track down a copy of Meet the Feebles...

[shaggy]

Now since I took this a sequel to the other movies I watched in a different fashion as most of you have. I actually liked the movie, more than most of the other Marvel movies I have watched. There was the introduction of Eddie Brock, which I was disappointed in. But he did his job in the storyline, he was yin to Peter's yang. The Sandman was actually a badass in this movie and lived at the end. And if you paid close attention, like I do in all Marvel movies(ask and thou shall know), there were many things that said things aren't what they seem,

Much more of my view is in another thread.

I give it an 8 1/2 out of 10

[stegon66]

Giving it a solid *** out of ****

I'll agree with some of the criticism leveled at Spidey 3. Yes, it's long and jam-packed, perhaps a bit too much so. I'm not sure Venom even needed to be here - they could have saved him for a future installment. Yes it's goofy in places - Peter's jazz club shenanigans come to mind - but this is a Sam Raimi flick after all. Yes it's corny and cheesy with lots of speechifyin'. Yes it's sloppy in some places. But in spite of all that I enjoyed it. The Sandman was very cool, the supporting cast is fantastic, and I liked the Stan Lee and Bruce Campbell cameos. I also liked the bits with Ursula, the landlord's daughter who has a crush on Peter - those scenes in particular didn't really need to be there, but they add a nice, humanistic touch. Excelsior!