The Beast Reviews (SPOILERS)

[thehuntingbeast]

I feel there is a need to inform others of movies, books, and whatever I see or read. I will post my views on these subjects here.



Let us start with a movie I saw on tv the other day: Cabin Fever.
WARNING: SPOILERS of the most disturbingly sick, gross, nasty, bloody, and ultimately unhappy nature. If you have a weak stomach or are a germaphobe, BEWARE.

This movie is about five students who rent a cabin out in the woods in the middle of nowhere. One way or another the contract a flesh eating virus. I am a hopeless romantic so I came to this movie with certian expectations, like oh they can't kill her or they should kill him. Needless to say I was a little surprised. From the previews I knew it showed a little skin if you know what I mean. What I didn't know was that skin was soon to fall off! The first girl to get the virus was just starting to get in a relationship with a shy boy when low and behold sores break out on her. Tensions run high as they quarantine her and discover that their car won't run and their neighbors aren't very happy. Things turn very bloody as the fat friend now infected leaves them with the car he fixed and goes for help. The people he finds know of the disease and are out for his blood. At the cabin the second girl is infected and in trying to chase a dog away from the first girl is literally torn apart by the mongrel! The shy guy checks on his girl and discovers her lips are eaten away and she has a skeleton grin and is alive! Barely. Then the other guy runs off and the shy guy goes on a killing spree, taking out the girl the guys that killed the fat friend and then he runs off with the virus and meets an off duty cop at a party. The cops radio tells the cop and kids that this guy has the virus and is a killer. Long story short after a chase they take him to the hospital and then the cops 'take care of him' by throwing him in the river. The other guy goes back to the cabin finds the other bodies and rejoice/cries that he survived. He then recieves about twenty rounds in the chest from the cops. It ends by kids from the town use virus contaminated river water for lemonade that the cops drink.

There was so much blood in this movie that I think vampires were lurking outside my window drooling. I haven't seen a movie this full of gore, sex, and death since Starship Troopers. If you like that kind of stuff go ahead but do NOT watch this movie with your girl/boyfriend!

I give this movie three out of five stars for unexpected results and for daring to put that much swearing, screwing, and death in one movie.

[thehuntingbeast]

For those of you interested in sci-fi, reading, and D&D I highly recommend Ed Greenwood's Shandril's Saga with Spellfire, Crown of Fire, and Hand of Fire. These books are about a young peasant girl who goes adventuring and somehow a power called spellfire awakens in her. This gives her the ability to soak any spell and turn it into a raw essence in the form of white blue fire. A young mage's apprentice falls in love with her and together they struggle through the cult of the dragon, and many other evil mages and wrongdoers schemes to gain such a powerful weapon. Shandril destroys a couple drocliths way too many wizards, thieves, warriors, and others hust to survive. The knights of Myth Drannor help the young couple along with Elminster. The couple marries and she becomes pregnant but after an encounter with a lich the unborn dies. Her past is revealed and she discovers her mother also had spellfire and her father died defending her and her mother died soon after Shandril's birth the warrior that saved her mother and raised her helps her on her path to peace with the elves but on the way. Everyone seemed to want her power. They fought each other and scrambled over bodies of competetors and allies alike for the chance at spellfire. Shandril agian becomes pregnant and Elminster tells them it will be a girl also with spellfire. Eventually they entered a caravan that took one to many raids after their entry and became a spell battle where all hell and choas reigned. In the end Shandril teleported to the leaders church/castle and tooks out all kinds of beholders, mages, and warriors. Finally she had enough when her husband was hit very bad and she thought him dead and shot spellfire into her mouth and exploded. The young mage lived and mystra gave her the ability to be wherever spellfire was.

Kind of a sad ending but I loved this series. I give it four and a half stars out of five.

[thehuntingbeast]

And now for a book I read a while back that I have wanted to do a review on, Snakes on a Plane!

Yes after I saw the movie I immediately jumped into the book or novelization by Christa Faust. The book was very well done and so some of you don't think that I always say "the book was better than the movie" it was missing something, Samuel L. Jackson did not leap off the page and yell his most famous line from the movie! In all seriousness I really liked it, many people the movie only showed once or twice got their own backstories that went way in depth. There was a guy who killed his partner in crime after a heist, a pregnant girl who was worried for her future, a psychic who foresaw the impending doom and was ushered off the plane, and a girl who had to do seven things at once or else she was not happy. One part I was sad to see changed was the two newly weds that died together in the movie after being trapped by a rolling rack the stewardesses use do not die together. Instead the man dies slowly first from a bite while the woman dies from a bite when the plane loses pressure from a certian handgun wielded by a certian FBI character who did not find snakes on a plane was cool. This character's (cough Samuel L. Jackson) partner also had a backstory where his sister was bitten by a rattler when he and his friend did not want her to play with them and sent her off. Since then he had a phobia of snakes. He overcomes his fear by snagging a strinking snake and saving another passenger and getting bitten himself with his last words being, "I saved her" (his sister in his mind).

There will always be a little bit lost in translation to and from book to movie but I feel the the author did a great job, four out of five stars.

[thehuntingbeast]

Well its been a while but I'm trying to bring this back. This time I'm reviewing the movie 300.

It is beyond any review I could ever do, thank you.










What are you still here? Ok I gues I could try.

This movie is about 300 Spartan warriors taking on a countless horde of Persian invaders. This is the battle of Thermopylae in 480 BC where an alliance of Greek city-states fought with the Persians lead by Xerxes I at the pass of Thermopylae in central Greece. After three days of holding them off the Spartans were betrayed by Ephialtes, portrayed as a hunchback that Leonidas saw as unfit for combat by leading the Persians on a mountian pass. Leonidas dismissed the rest of the army and stayed behind with 300 Spartans and 700 Thespian volunteers. They held the pass for a while and died to a man letting the rest escape and making the Persians take extremely heavy losses. Athens then went on to prepare for the a naval battle which left much of the Persian navy destroyed. Xerxes was forced to flee to Asia and leave his army behind which was defeated in the Battle of Plataea.

In the movie Theonidas went to anciant mystics to seek guidance on the war. They having been bought by the Persians told him not to go to war. So he left for a "stroll" with 300 bodyguards, and let me tell you Arnold Schartzeneggar wishes he had this many muscles on him. They met up with some other Greeks to help hold the pass. They rebuilt an ancient wall to make sure the Persians had to go to the pass they held. The wall they built using Persians as mortar. The battle scenes are tremendously done. There was more blood in the air than on the ground. I saw more severed heads in this movie than the time I went on vacation in Mongolia and supped with Ghengis Khan, the party was great but I gave Ghengis a pat on the back that was a little hatoo rough, gave the poor guy a nosebleed. Anyway this movie shows actual monsters, the hunchback, a fat guy with blades for arms, and a huge giant dude with a serious case of road rage. At one point in time Leonidas and Xerxes speak face to face. The warrior King had more muscles than the entire WWf and the self proclaimed God-King was as tall as Andre the Giant with a deeper voice than Darth Vader!

The poster said 'Prepare for Glory' and knowing my history I thought I was prepared. How naive I was. I couln't believe the lentghs this movie went to to make sure I would almost piss my pants when I saw some of the scenes.

When I left that theatre I stood tall and proud that I had witnessed such a thing. I drove home going 120 mph with all windows down, blaring heavy metal, AC cranked, ignoring stop signs and lights, rear ending anything in my way, running from the SWAT, to eat raw bleeding meat with a side of eggs straight from the henhouse washed down with a bottle of Axe bodywash and I wasn't even a fraction as badass as these Spartans.

This movie gets 5 bloodstained paw prints from this reviewer.