|
|
Post by eunhathes on Jan 23, 2007 9:52:18 GMT -5
Fleeting
Flitting wings, drastic things
Symbols and breaking starlight
Falling
Feeling strife, raising life
Perfect circles roll to a close
It's been a little while for me, not having written anything in a long while. Hopefully, this little tidbit is the breaker of a larger wave.
|
|
Kensai
Reputable
Fortes Fortuna Juvat
Posts: 172
|
Post by Kensai on Jan 24, 2007 4:04:02 GMT -5
Nice one. Often its the smaller poems that say more than lengthy ones.
I know you might hate me for this, but would you not like the third and sixth line to rhyme as well?
I am not one who is used to your poems so I don't know if you intentionally make it not rhyme or just throw things together as they pop into your head (like I usually do)
|
|
gryphonpoet
Superior
Shangri-La is in your mind. Your Buffalo isn't. (Sign in Olympic Village in Beijing)
Posts: 292
|
Post by gryphonpoet on Jan 28, 2007 1:55:25 GMT -5
You know me, Eun. You know how I love to use the short and hard-hitting style. I'm glad to see that you're writing again. Sometimes a little push is what's needed to make the words flow again. I enjoyed the images that reminded me of a strobe light going off in a dark room. The pictures you left tell a story of their own, even though they were phrases and individual words instead of sentences. Nice work.  |
|
|
|
Post by Atreides Conscript on Jan 28, 2007 17:13:00 GMT -5
Nice one. Often its the smaller poems that say more than lengthy ones.
If I say "starship" and leave the image and reality up to your imagination, you will see infinitely more than if I were also to give you pictures, schematics, statistics and figures... as well as a detailed crew requirement. See my meaning? |
|
