Kensai
Reputable
Fortes Fortuna Juvat
Posts: 172
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Post by Kensai on Sept 23, 2006 8:41:33 GMT -5
Was it worth all the years Of focus and effort and Triumph laced with dissappointment When you watched others exalted As you clap politely to another's accolades You smile and convince yourself That you did your best The lie that keeps you from madness "He was a study freak!" and "She had not the commitments I had." We thought in jealousy and comfort We can't all be heroes and the best Someone has to be 'average' Someone has to be just below the recognition level
===================================== Notes: For all those who were 'just' not good enough. It's one thing to pass, another to just miss out on glory.
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alexander
Superior
Threat Detected
Posts: 252
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Post by alexander on Sept 24, 2006 6:22:58 GMT -5
I agree with a few lines in your poem. those line are,someone has to be 'average', we can't all be heroes, or the best.Overall, a good poem in my opinion. ;D
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gryphonpoet
Superior
Shangri-La is in your mind. Your Buffalo isn't. (Sign in Olympic Village in Beijing)
Posts: 292
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Post by gryphonpoet on Sept 25, 2006 8:58:28 GMT -5
Glory isn't achieved all at once. Very rarely does an overnight sensation actually get the recognition overnight. It usually takes long years of work and many "near-misses" to get the attention they deserve.
You paint a picture of someone who has to take solace in good sportsmanship and not in the actual success. And they've grown tired of it. As in the lines, "We thought in jealousy and comfort We can't all be heroes and the best Someone has to be 'average' Someone has to be just below the recognition level"
Though I honestly believe that there is an accomplishment with doing the best your talent allows, there is also a humiliation in the loss of the internal hunger that drives a person to improve. I think you've caught the balance well here. Something that is difficult when working in the 2nd person perspective without becoming preachy or condescending.
Nice write!
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Kensai
Reputable
Fortes Fortuna Juvat
Posts: 172
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Post by Kensai on Sept 25, 2006 14:03:21 GMT -5
I'm actually quite proud of this poem, unlike some of my other pieces it seems to end where I intend it to end. I've had some near misses in my life, that leave a bitter taste in my mouth - as I tried to get across in the poem. As it says 'We thought in jealousy and comfort' I would yoyo between feeling jealous that someone got all the 'glory' and comfort when I tried to convince myself that I did my best. The point that (possibly in a sequel to this) is we have to keep trying, eventually we will be placed on top and by the dieties that be, it is sweeter and greater. It is a pity that not everybody can be glorified, though it makes us evaluate our personal best and our own goals
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gryphonpoet
Superior
Shangri-La is in your mind. Your Buffalo isn't. (Sign in Olympic Village in Beijing)
Posts: 292
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Post by gryphonpoet on Sept 25, 2006 23:20:30 GMT -5
The idea that we have to keep trying came across through implication. So it isn't completely found in any sequel. But if there is still that much to say, maybe you can try writing a series of poems dealing with this subject. That would enable you to tell the story without direct reference.
Just a thought...
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