The Battle

[alexander]

The blackness has taken us
No hope remains,
At last, one is here
One with many more
The one,
With the sun
We fight on
With hope now
We throw our blood- covered enemies
Back to the darkness
from where they came

[Kensai]

Interesting.

I like the short, clipped lines and how the 'tide' is turned with the coming reinforcements - if that was what you meant.

I am not quite sure of your writing/poetic style so Ican't say if it's good by your standards or not

Do you want further comments?

[gryphonpoet]

I agree with Cathy. The choppy lines feel as if you're panting from the exertion of the combat.

And I see the arrival of additional troops. Many battles have been decided with the arrival of reinforcements. They add something desperately needed in a fight. The sense of hope that you touch on in the poem.

Watch the spelling and be careful of which homonym you use. (there/their/they're, our/are/hour, to/too/two, etc)

Overall, I can see where you are beginning to stretch yourself. Keep up the improvement.

[alexander]

I will try my best to keep improving my poetry skills. If you don't want sort choppy line Kensai, I could make my next poem one long paragraph.