alexander
Superior
Threat Detected
Posts: 252
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Post by alexander on Mar 26, 2006 19:35:22 GMT -5
The deep valleys, the endless chains, ancient formations, and of course the wooded area that has seen endless changes at the top. The way forward is unclear. The path to that misty sight is for the traveler to find. What I see at the top are forests with no end to speak of. I also feel that I am at the top of the world, and I will never want to leave.
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gryphonpoet
Superior
Shangri-La is in your mind. Your Buffalo isn't. (Sign in Olympic Village in Beijing)
Posts: 292
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Post by gryphonpoet on Mar 27, 2006 12:02:44 GMT -5
Nice prose, Alexander. I think that you forgot the line breaks, however. Also the term "the way forth" feels a little bit antiqued for the rest of what you're saying here. I might suggest the simpler "the way forward" or "the way to it".
Another is the "great sight". I prefer to be allowed to picture what is described. Tell what the sight is in order to "show" me what you're seeing. If you "tell" me it is a great sight, I might picture a cheeseburger with lettuce, tomato and mayonnaise at the top instead of whatever it is that you're seeing.
I think this is the best poem that you've writtten so far. GTG!
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