*Untitled*

[Kensai]

Okay, let's see what you guys think of one of my poems. (I wrote this one quite a while back, its the only one I have on hand )
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Immortal words
Timeless days
Spent in endless thoughts

Calm tranquility
Resolute sanity
Forever captured in a split second

Peaceful laughter
Living for one more moment
Bliss upon this earthen floor

Silence within the noise
Light in the darkened corner
Immortal for one more moment
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[alexander]

I enjoyed this poem! I don't see any problems with the poem's structure. I hope you continue to write more poems. You are a very good poet!

[gryphonpoet]

The poem gives a sense of someone meditating a philosophical text.

The only thing that I noticed (and it has no bearing on the quality of the poem, just something that I like to sometimes do) is in the first two verses you have a concept that acts as a thread to stitch the lines together. The last two have nothing like that.

For example, in the first verse are the words "immortal", "timeless" and "endless". In the second the words "calm", "resolute" and "captured" tie the lines together.

One more set of words in verse 3, perhaps revolving around the concept of "inner peace" or "tranquility". Then in the 4th verse, use each of the concepts of the first three to bring the poem into a completed circle.

As I said before, that doesn't change the fact that I enjoyed the write. You can take my opinion for what it is... A game of circles that I like to play in my own writing.

[Kensai]

Thanks for the input.

gryphonpoet, what happens is I get lazy Or I get carried away with my writing I forget what I started with. Though I am glad to hear you guys liked it!