Dsim94's Poetry

[dsim94]

Diamante- A Paladin

Paladin
vigorous integrity
murdering riding fighting
armor sword slingshot helmet
brawling thinking wrestling
nobiliar brawny
Holy Fighter

[Atreides Conscript]

Interesting. I have only one major issue with the poem. Where is the punctuation?

Punctuation in poetry is used to show the breaks between ideas and/or pauses in how it is meant to be read. Without breaks, a poem gets a very muddy feel that obscures any clarity of meaning. That is fine if it's what you are going for, but I'm not sure if you are.

[dsim94]

well, this is a Diamante it is supposed to look like a diamond shape.
But it wouldn't stay like it.

[dsim94]

Cinquain-Mage

Mage
Intellegence Wise
Casting Fighting Running
"Uses Majestic Spells"
Sorcerer

[Kensai]

nice poems. Now write something, if you can, that is not restricted by words or having to rhyme ;D

[dsim94]

Well they actually don't rhyme!
But I only know a couple of non-rhyming poems
And the poems,are supposed to be in some sort of diamond shape.

[Kensai]

dsim94 said:

Well they actually don't ryme!
But I only know a couple of non-ryming poems
And the poems,are supposed to be in some sort of diamond shape.

Yes, I get that these ones don't rhyme and that they are in a diamond shape, but if you want to be a good poet, you should try writing other forms of poetry....

My favourite is 'off the top of my head' when I write jsut random stuff

[Atreides Conscript]

Is that more akin to what you were looking to do in the above poems Dsim? If so, then you should simply type the following at the beginning of your post: [center]. Then, at the end of your post, type this: [/center].

Typing those "UBBC tags" will allow you to write as if you had a paper aligned to the centre in Microsoft Word. If you want to see how it works exactly, click "Modify Post" and look at what I have already typed in for you... then use that same format in your future typings of diamante.

[dsim94]

Thanks, atreides conscript, this is my first thread and I'm the newest member, I joined April 2007.
So I never knew about the UBBC tags at all

[dsim94]

Stair poem Paladin

Holy Fighter
In battle
integrity, swift, keen
Paladin


It's suppose to be like stairs!

[gryphonpoet]

I'm not sure how murdering and brawling fit in with a holy warrior. They seem to fit more of a barbarian than a Paladin. When I think about what a paladin is, I think more about Arthur and the knights of the round table, Charlamange and people like that. Religious warriors whose focus fixed on doing right and fighting evil.

The second Paladin poem carried a much better picture of a traditional character type, even though it seemed to contradict the first one.

I want to say the cinquain was the best of the three you've posted so far. I tend to like the entire genre of list poems anyway.They can reveal something about both the poet and the poet's surroundings.

Thanks for sharing these. Keep it up!

[dsim94]

Well, I put murdering because it's a synamon for killing.
And paladins do kill.
But normally if only they have to.

[shaggy]

Yes, to murder is to kill but murdering is not a synonym for killing. Murdering carries the idea of a dark deed. Murder, stated by our legal system, has to be premeditated and the defendant has to be aware of what they are doing. Killing on the other hand is just that because I kill a fly doesn't mean I murdered him.

I agree with Gryphonpoet on the matter that when you think of a Paladin you don't go to murder. As I stated before murder is considered a dark deed and Paladins are supposed to be the embodiment of light.

Thank you.
~Shaggy

[Atreides Conscript]

Actually, the denotative definition of murder is a synonym for killing. What you are speaking of, Shaggy, is a connotative definition. The difference is between meaning in reference books (dictionaries, thesauri, encyclopedias, etc.) which is denotative, and meaning in context of a society (legal definitions, ethics statements, etc.) which is connotative.

However, I do agree with you and Gryphonpoet that murder is an abnormal word to be associated with paladins when speaking favourably of them. Now, if one were speaking from the opponent's perspective, then "murder" would be quite justified as a description of the paladin's actions.

[shaggy]

Okay, I jumped the gun. I assimilated connotation into the meaning of synonym. Sorry, I do that sometimes. But the point still stands that connotation is still an important aspect of writing.

Here is a list of synonyms for kill. Most have a darker connotation than most but there are still some in there that are worthwhile. Annul and neutralize are two of my favorites on the list. Both don't really have a negative connotation. As in the sentence, "The Paladin neutralized the threat of the growing dark lord."

EDIT: Afterthought

As to the point you bring up, Atreides, about the enemy perspective. Wouldn't the enemy not consider the knight they are facing a Paladin. I consider the term as a way one side considers themselves to be good. And therefore we are back the point of connotation again.

[Atreides Conscript]

You would be correct that connotative definitions are also an important aspect of choosing words in writing. I have no problems with that.

However, I do not think that "neutralize" or "annul" are ones that would fit particularly well into Dsim's top poem (the one in contention). Further, since it is a diamante, he is restricted somewhat by the size of the word. If he chose annul, then it may not fit into the diamond shape that he is looking for.

[shaggy]

All I stated was those were my favorites because of no negative connotation. There are a few others on that list you just have to hunt for it. Defeat could be a good replacement, since it would be defeating.

[Kensai]

atreidesconscript said:

You would be correct that connotative definitions are also an important aspect of choosing words in writing. I have no problems with that.

However, I do not think that "neutralize" or "annul" are ones that would fit particularly well into Dsim's top poem (the one in contention). Further, since it is a diamante, he is restricted somewhat by the size of the word. If he chose annul, then it may not fit into the diamond shape that he is looking for.

I like the word 'redeem' when using such words with a Paladin... since in a religious sense, the evil doer has 'sinned' in the eyes of the Paladin.

Tho' paladins can murder

[master]

So true, Kensai it can still mean
the same thing as kill, wich paladins do.
But I say they only do that when they have to.